Our Wild Voices
Take the leap in becoming your truest self.
Are you looking for a page that can help you navigate the path of authenticity, spirituality and living life as your truest soul self?
Then look no further! This is the page for you.
Hello! My name is Rachel Butterworth, and here is a little about me.
A life that I thought I needed to live…
At the age of 25, I got married. I thought that I had reached the top of life’s fulfilment. That this was it, and that this would be the answer to everything, because together we would be.
He was Dutch, tall, beautiful, and with him, I felt like I knew my place. But the space that I was encompassing within this life, was an ever-ending feeling of who I thought I needed to be, and the life that I thought I should live.
Who I was being, wasn’t full of me, it was the perfect version of who I thought I should be. My life had become full of the expectations that I had of myself, and all the ways I thought I needed to be. My personality began to fade into this perfect version of myself, and the things that were truly important to me, began to slip away.
Looking back now, how can it be, that I choose to live a life apart from myself?
In some ways, it was beautiful. I had created a wonderful world that had all the milestones of a “successful life” attached to it. I moved out of the city, got married, and made big plans for the future. But as the time went by, I felt more and more like I was playing this big part in a life that I thought I needed to live. It was as if I wasn’t completely attached to my body, and although I was speaking and breathing, I didn’t actually feel like I was there- living. Almost as if I was acting out my life.
Putting on a smile that wasn’t my own, and laughing to jokes that on the inside, didn’t ring true, left me feeling completely alone. There was so much more in me. There was a joy. A laugh so true and deep. There was a calling of who I truly am, in my soul. Of my truest self.
I was ready to let her out. In small moments where the sounds of times past with friends, loved ones and going on adventures, bubbled to the surface. The way that I would buy all the sweets from the corner shop, make up games with my sisters and run through the woods. A reminder of all the things that made up me, and all the people that were a part of it. A calling of home.
My 28th birthday was coming close, and on a stormy October night, I sat in meditation. The air was cold and the night was drawing in after a day of chores. I sat with my eyes closed, and thought of my soul. Where is she? Where has she been these past few years? I had pushed her away, for fear of her not being good enough. It had been a long time since I could remember her, but she was there, waiting for me. Coming to call me home.
Tears came to my eyes, and the memories of who I am came flooding back. My truest self, and all the things that made up me. The experiences that I had pushed to the side, for being too exciting and fun for the life I thought I needed to live. The streetlights flickered outside, as a wave of emotion hit me. I knew at once that I had created a life that was not me. That was not who I truly am. And as beautiful as it was, I needed to leave.